"You're you, whether you're eating wisely or eating excessively. But when you're eating wisely, you're expressing love for yourself. When you're eating excessively, you're expressing fear. Love dissolves fear the way light dissolves darkness. Fat cells will dissolve permanently when they are dissolved through the power of love."
Lesson 2 is about getting Thin You and Not Thin You to communicate. Not Thin You is not going to leave until she is accepted and loved. Scaring her away will not work... This reminds me a little bit of Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost.
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Dear FatAss,
I don't think you realize how much you have done to sabotage my life. There are things that I don't do, places I don't go, and people I don't see because I'm afraid that having you around will draw the kind of attention to me I don't want. I have spent SO much time sitting around, promising myself that you'll be gone soon, instead of doing something about it. So, really, all I have to show for you being here is a lot of lost time and opportunities.
I don't even know how you got here. It was like I was running around like a normal kid and then all of a sudden I got boobs and thought I was fat. Did someone tell me I was fat? Looking back in pictures, I can tell now that you (FatAss) didn't really show up until college. I might have thought I was fat in high school, but let me tell you. You, FatAss, were nowhere to be found yet.
But you're here now. Uninvited. I've gotten used to you. It's cool to hide behind you, but to be honest, I miss being myself. I used to be outgoing, funny, and people liked being around me. Now I'm afraid to be my old self all the time because I don't want people to see you. (I'm aware of the irony; I hide behind you so that no one will see me with you.) I have to REALLY trust someone and feel comfortable with them before I can let myself relax. Between being afraid to go out and being afraid to be noticed, it has been a bitch to make friends.
I'm not sure why you're here. I have my suspicions, but it doesn't matter. My life is good now, and whatever happened to you to make you a FatAss isn't happening to you anymore. There are people in your life who REALLY love you, and they're not going to abuse you or play games with you. It really sucks that someone would do that, especially when you were only trying to be loved. People suck. That person sucks. I'm pretty sure that person knows that, and anyone who didn't see that then is crazy. You have no reason to be afraid, and you have a husband, a beaauuuuutiful daughter and awesome friends that you can talk to if you need to; you don't have to eat to make yourself feel better. For real, I know it sounds disgusting, but I've really actually enjoyed exercising for the past few days. Maybe you could try that instead of reaching for something to eat?
It would be really awesome if we could work together on being happy and not feeling like we need to hide behind food or... well, hide behind your FatAss. I just think it would be super cool to be able to wear low rise pants again without a muffintopper. I know that you were happy and beautiful before all of that happened... but that's over now, so maybe we could work together? My GOD, think about how FIERCE your hair was before your FatAss got all out of whack.
Sincerely,
Visible HipBones
Dear Visible HipBones,
Look. Here's the problem. I am tired of being a FatAss, but I have no opportunity to change anything. No, that's a lie. Sort of. I don't have a lot of time to spend on myself between work, kids, and everything else. However, there are times when you mean well and you try to bust out those zumba dvds and I'm just not feeling it. You either have shitty timing, or you cave too easily. Are you really listening to someone you have subconsciously named "FatAss" tell you that it would be better to sit on the couch and watch Hopkins MD instead of attempting a workout? Who is supposed to be in charge here? You're actually LETTING me be in control. A few things wrong with that: 1) I am a fat ass. 2) Obviously I am not good with control because control marches me straight to the refrigerator.
You are going to have to do two things: First, have better timing. You try carrying around 50-60 extra pounds all day and see how you feel when someone wants to do 30 minutes of cardio. Maybe early morning would work better for me? I would have less excuses first thing in the morning, anyway. Second, speak up for me. When your husband gives you a guilt trip for wanting to take an hour for US, remind him that for every hour that you have NOT taken for us in the past, I get a little more FatAssy. Also, please don't let the FatAss talk you into not exercising. Hello? You almost trick me with that yoga fluff (it does feel good), but we both know we're going to have to do some sweating to get anywhere.
In conclusion, grow a pair and use them. Take control of the situation. You are stronger than you think; you are going to have to want to help me a little more if you want me to work with you. I'm waiting.
Cordially,
FatAss
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