The journey begins...

I started this blog to keep myself accountable for my weight loss. I have no doubt that there will be more information shared than one might want to read, so I apologize for my openness in advance. Probably not even very interesting, really. Who wants to read about someone losing weight? Like watching paint dry. At any rate, my thought is that if I put everything down in words here, I will to some degree be held more accountable and have a better chance of staying the course.

-I am 5'2." I weigh 191.4 pounds. Yeah, I know. That almost defies the laws of physics.

-I have always been overweight. I have not always been this overweight.

- I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. This makes it difficult for me to lose weight and have children. Not impossible; improbable.

-I have, however, had one child; she is now (almost) 2. She is one of my biggest reasons for wanting to make myself healthy; so I can play with her and run around with her, and so I can be here longer for her. My other big reason for wanting to lose weight is so that I can help reverse my PCOS far enough again to have one more child. There are more superficial reasons, too. Like having an easier time finding pants that fit, not being so sweaty, being able to see my collarbones, not feeling like a complete lardass, etc.

-I have always been a food hoarder/stress eater/plate cleaner/boredom eater. I have a compulsion to eat large portions and food that I really enjoy whether I am hungry or not, because "I might not ever get to eat this again" or "someone might eat all of it and I won't get any." Really? Preposterous. I have NEVER had any reason in my life to feel like I wouldn't be fed.

-Sugar and carbs are my specialty. I wish that I was a salad person. You'd probably have to put gummi worms and m&m's on the salad to get me to enjoy it, though.

-I have tried many things, but Weight Watchers was successful for me. Once. Maybe twice. I am going to try it again, because this time I mean it!!

-I am also not a fan of exercise. I like how I feel afterward, but I hate the preparation (aka, sports bra wrestling) and I hate the act of physical exertion. Maybe that will change when I no longer feel like a dancing hippopotamus. If I can be tricked into exercising, all the better. I will notice, though, if I start sweating. I think maybe the perfect exercise for me might be to dangle a cupcake in front of me like a carrot. I would probably walk all day long.

-I don't feel as fat as I look. I am often surprised by pictures of myself. Don't get me wrong; I don't feel like I have a flat stomach or cut arms or anything. I'm not delusional. I just like myself. I am happy. Fat, dumb, and happy. And I've been ok with that. Like my favorite doctor says, I may not be meant to weigh 137lbs like Weight Watchers says I am. While I'd still love myself if I weighed this much forever, I have to try. All self-depricating humor aside, I'm generally pretty happy with myself, no matter what I look like or feel like... I just feel like I can do things better for myself. But incase you were wondering, I don't notice that I'm overweight most of the time.

I am not planning on moving any mountains in the next few weeks. I am going to start with the Oprah-recommended (because she's the consummate authority on weight loss success) book A Course In Weight Loss. Even if this book turns out to be complete BS, I think it will help me to look at my food-related motivations from a different angle. I need to change the eating, start the exercising, and basically fix whatever is wrong in my head that compels me to eat the way that I do. Another little favor that I'm going to do for myself this week is to try to adjust my bedtime and wake up time. School starts in less than two weeks!